It sounds crazy but at the age of 24, I still don’t know what I want. I desperately want to try new things but I’m afraid to take even one step. Sometimes, I think, in 10 years time….what will become of me?
Will I be able to finish my grad studies? Am I still gonna work in this company ? Will I ever find a suitable partner for me?
Yesterday, my friend and I had this little chat about relationships. I’d say,s he was the only one who understood why up until now I remained single.
Well, that’s what I made myself believe.
The truth is…
I’m a coward.
I’m afraid of going into a relationship. I dunno, it’s just that I find myself too boring that eventually no man could stand being with dear, old, me. Yeah, I’m a bit harsh, but that’s just the way it is.
Well, that’s how I view myself.
That’s why it really baffles me how other people would be able to say that I am someone that any parents could be proud of. That I have the potential what-not. That I could be something big.
And yet, I could not really see that. I couldn’t see that person that they admire in me. Actually, I don’t even really know who I really am. I don’t really know what I want. I don’t really know what I’m good at. It’s like I’m this robot being programmed to do a certain task. That I’d only function only by the instructions that were given to me.
I only do what people expect me to do.
And now, I’m lonely and unhappy.
I try to be good in what I do but I could never really say I was satisfied and contented.
The bottom line in all of these, I guess…
I just don’t really know where to start.